Not Straight?

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I have only told it to two people in my life. It is not a secret. I am not ashamed. I just don’t think some people can fully understand it. But how can there be any tolerance, if there is also no awareness of it? I guess I can’t really blame a person for not understanding something that comes so natural to them, but what if it didn’t. What if you were the 1% that didn’t “fit” into society? What if everything around you everyday in school, the media, and at home reminds you that you are not like everyone else?

It might sound like I feel isolated or alone, but finally I understand who I really am and I am glad that I have a space to explore that. After hanging out with my sister and answering questions online about the Kinsey scale, I realized maybe my sexuality was not like I thought it was. All my life I identified as a cis heterosexual female (straight), but when I didn’t make it on the 0 to 6 scale I knew that label might be wrong. Months of research and redoing the quiz led me to the conclusion that my score of an “X” was no accident, and that I was asexual.

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Asexuality is having no sexual attraction towards anyone or no desire to have sex with a certain person.(This is a spectrum, so it really depends on the person if they want to have sex or not, as long as they have no sexual attraction they are Asexual). This is different from celibacy, which is choosing not to participate in sexual behavior for a personal reason. Asexuality is having no desire to have sexual interactions with people and there is no choice involved. Just as sexuality differs there are all different types of Asexuals. For me, I have no interest in sex and I am aromantic, which means I am not interested in a romantic relationship either. This doesn’t mean that I don’t think people are beautiful and appealing to look at (aesthetically attractive). In fact its just about the opposite, when sex is taken out of the equation I feel like I can truly appreciate people’s beauty and not just limit myself to the opposite sex.

The fact that I am content with myself and do not want to pursue a relationship with a guy makes society feel uncomfortable. With a hetero-normative society, identifying as an asexual can be very challenging. They might think I just have a low sex drive, in denial about being gay, egotistical, have high standards for a partner, or even that i am mentally ill. Being asexual, people assume they are lonely, confused or just need time to meet the right person. All these assumptions are false, If someone says they are Asexual there is nothing wrong with them they are just simply Asexual.

Don’t get me wrong, but sometimes being gay seems a lot easier. You still fit in societies sexual culture, but just happen to like the same or multiple genders. I know this is from the standpoint of an open-minded person, but thoughts like these do occur sometimes. At this point in our society people recognize that homosexuality exist, they might not agree with it, but it is validated. Until people get awareness of Asexuality we will be that 1% that doesn’t fit in with the sexual culture. With groups like AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) this small community has made strides in being noticed and heard.  I just hope one day that the world will be more openminded with everyones differences and allow people to feel comfortable and be unique.  After the realization of my true identity I felt this hunger for knowledge in all aspects of my life and excitement to continue on my journey of growth. (Especially now when it comes to gender, but that’s a different story)

A year ago during Asexual Awareness Week I wrote a post about asexuality, but this year i can truly say I am Ace and I am proud.

Yes the stereotypes are true I would pick cake over sex any day.

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This is a cute little song that kinda explains how it feels to be asexual.

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3 thoughts on “Not Straight?”

  1. Thanks for looking at my blog! I’m glad it led me to yours – I felt much the same way, for years. It was a hard journey to find my identity in asexuality, but it fits so much better for me than heteronormative. I’m looking forward to reading more of your blog. 🙂

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